Christmas jokes…

I have three jokes to share with you today…

What starts with P and ends with E, and has a thousand letters?

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Why is Santa so good at karate?

 

Santa laughing

Santa loves a good laugh – HOHOHO!

Answers…

 

Post Office
Poker Face
Because he has a black belt

57 Responses to Christmas jokes…

  • karmaskeeper says:

    Those are cute little jokes simple and funny. I will have to remember to tell my nephew the post office one. Kids need a good laugh too.

  • Skyspirit says:

    These jokes are too cute. I especially like the Post Office one the best. Too funny Santa – ha ha – 🙂

  • holunderminze says:

    This made me laugh out loud! More please.

  • sorrowscall says:

    I love that last one. “Because he has a black belt”. I would never have thought to make that joke.

  • susie says:

    Cute! I put a little lunchbox note into my kid’s lunchboxes each day. I am going to use these for their December notes. They love getting jokes and trivia to share at the lunch table.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Oh! If it’s alright, I’d like to share a joke/riddle:
    What must you give two bodies and one head but don’t need to give a mouth:
    A snowman!

    It’s probably a little dry for older kids and adults, but the younger ones like it.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Hmm, alright. Let’s try another one then! Why does Santa shout “Ho! Ho! Ho!” instead of “Ha! Ha! Ha!” ?

    So the Reindeer don’t think he’s making fun of them.
    or, another answer could be this:
    the letter A is on the naughty list.

    Again, dry humor, but the kids I babysit like them. We sat down and told each other Christmas jokes last night. I got the idea from remembering this, so thank you!

  • Wendy says:

    The post office and Santa joke are perfect for my work. Clever enough that the kids probably won’t know them, but not too far over their heads that they won’t get them when I tell them the punch line.

  • ally79 says:

    My kids are seriously into jokes right now and I just know that they are going to adore these. My five year old will especially love the black belt one. Thank-you for sharing these with us!

    • You’re welcome 🙂

    • C. Lenell says:

      I agree! My family loves jokes, too. I don’t know any but I have read them all and they are so cute and perfect for family get togethers while decorating the tree. We usually listen to music and laugh and play – I think I will incorporate some of these cute jokes with them.

  • Crystal says:

    My joke:
    What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

    A rebel without a Claus.

    I love clean corny jokes over dirty ones. Thanks!

  • Daniel lucky says:

    a Christmas kiss…….. The Guy saies to his lady friend, Sweetheart what would it take to get a kiss under the mistletoe …Lady friend replies an anaesthetic..lol

  • sorrowscall says:

    Okay, so this is more like a joke story than a one liner.

    A little girl is nervous as she waits in line to sit on Santa’s lap and tell the big man what she wants. When she gets close enough, she lets a few girls and boys cut her so she can think of how to ask for what she wants. After a while of letting people cut ahead of her, it’s finally her turn.

    She gulps and sits on Santa’s lap. The man shouts “Ho! Ho! Ho!” and asks what the little girl wants. After she yanks his beard to make sure he’s real, she turns her head from side to side and whispers what she wants to Santa this:

    “Santa, all I want for Christmas is the answer to a joke. Why did the Chicken really cross the road Santa?”

    Santa blinks back a rosy chuckle as he adjusts himself to think of an answer. However, none come to mind. Until finally, he comes up with something that might appease her.

    “Why, it’s the same reason reigndeer fly of course! Ho! Ho! Ho!”

    The little girl sits through the answer and Santa doesn’t hear so much as a giggle from the girl. She looks him straight in the face, and says the following:

    “To get to the other side.”

    After which, the entire line of children start to giggle and become more active.

    Santa sighs and admitts she played a pretty good joke on him and asked her what she really wanted for Christmas. To this, the girl replied she wanted a new joke book.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Okay..I think I’ve got one…but it doesn’t make sense to me.

    What do you say when Santa is about to eat a bunch of sweets while reading Shakespeare?

    It was peppermint to be.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Here’s my joke for today:

    How do you find a southern North Pole?

    Read a map upside down.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Another day, another joke. I’m starting to think this might be my version of a digital Christmas count down. Anyway, here’s the one for today:

    What do a Christmas Ham and a Thanksgiving Turkey have in common?

    Neither want to be invited to a party.

    • LOL!

      Are you making all these up sorrowscal? Thanks for sharing your countdown with us, though!

      • sorrowscall says:

        I’m trying to make them as I go, and thanks! I hope I can manage jokes all the way up til’ Christmas. I missed yesterday because of Thanksgiving so I have two today for you all.

        What do Santa and my refrigerator have in common?
        They’ve both got a bowl full of jelly.

        What happens if you break your leg on Christmas?
        You get visited by the ghost of Christmas Cast.
        My dad also said this answer: Your leg gets gift wrapped.

  • sorrowscall says:

    I’ve got a few more today! I hope everyone shares in on the christmas cheer! The first one is another story one, but it’s smaller.

    A girl walks into an elevator of a hotel and goes up 24 floors on Christmas Eve. She then proceeds to walk down 24 flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator back down. Why? She saw Santa clause go in the elevator and told him what she wanted. When she found out that the man she admitted her toy list too wasn’t the big guy, she was so embarrassed that she walked down to the front-lobby. Turn’s out Santa was visiting the ground floor this year.

    Okay! 2nd joke! …That first one seems a little stale to me. Let’s try a good old wise-crack.
    Why did the Christmas Ham cross the road?
    The family on the other side of the street were vegan.

  • sorrowscall says:

    Ah! I almost forgot today’s joke too! That would never do! I’m already forgetting every other day and I really enjoy keeping up with this! I know! Let’s make this one a funny poem-like joke?

    I wear a hat and put toys in a stocking- boot.
    I work one day a year but I wear a suit!
    I laugh and laugh like ‘ho’ ‘Ho’ Ho’
    but on Christmas I’m on the Go Go Go.

    That’s right! You’re right!
    I’m Santa the one and true!

  • sorrowscall says:

    I’m glad you are enjoying them! I’m just sad I seem to be forgetting to post them daily in order to keep up with my countdown. Well, here’s the next batch at least:

    How many elves does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    It depends on how many it takes to reach the light bulb.

    Peppermint, Peppermint, meant to be. What is a Christmas thing that rhymes with this is me? To get the answer, look and see, it’s Christmas Tree!

  • sorrowscall says:

    Here’s the joke for today! I actually find it kind of adorable, and I hope you all do too.

    What’s red and brown and fuzzy all over? Rudolph!

  • oraclemay says:

    Cool, we actually need more Christmas jokes because they are especially great for children. They are not rude and have no bad words!

  • sorrowscall says:

    Thanks! I’m glad she liked the Rudolph one!

    Here are a few more to tide over the wait!

    Even the chupacabra celebrates Christmas! How does he say it?
    Fleece Navidad!

    How did the Grinch steal Christmas?
    He used a giant sack.

    Do you see what I see?
    I should hope not. Otherwise you’re me and that would be weird.

    That’s all for now!

  • sorrowscall says:

    Here are today’s jokes!

    What do you call it when Santa comes across a fork in the road?
    Time for a quick bite to eat.

    What do you call a pig that gets super powers on Christmas?
    A winter wonder ham!

    Why does Santa need to check his list twice?
    He forgets to put on his glasses the first time.

  • juno says:

    I really enjoyed these Christmas themed jokes and shared them with family during our Christmas celebrations. They were quite a hit and I just wanted to thank you for posting them.

  • sorrowscall says:

    I can’t wait til’ the coming holidays and next Christmas to tell more, and subsequently come up with more, wonderful jokes to tell too!

  • sorrowscall says:

    If The Easter Bunny works on Easter, and Santa works on Christmas, then when is their holiday?

    St. Patricks Day.

    …I’m sorry if nobody else gets it. I don’t get it myself, but when I thought of the answer, I couldn’t stop laughing in my head for some reason.

  • sorrowscall says:

    What is an elf’s favorite composer?

    Danny Elfman.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


CommentLuv badge
Share your Christmas story
Instagram